I think all women reach a point where they realize that just because your boss is a woman doesn’t mean that she has any interest in seeing you succeed or that she has any interest in guiding your career path.
It’s always a difficult realization to come to, but also, part of growing up. We’ve all been excited at some point to work for some woman that we really admired only to learn that she is not similarly excited to have you underfoot.
According to this article in The Atlantic, it’s not really her fault that she’s that way. Apparently, women who strongly identify with being a woman respond to sexism by “closing ranks” so to speak. They rely on support from other woman and provide support to other women to make sure they we all have a chance at achieving our goals. But, for women who do not so closely relate to members of the same sex, they respond to sexism by pushing women away. The thought process is something like “if being a woman is so bad then I don’t want to associate with ANY women.”
That’s a really unfortunate situation for those ladies.
I have always believed that, whatever group you belong to, you should be able to rely on them for support and encouragement and provide that same support. That’s part of the reason that I write this blog. I am still a young lawyer, but, with five or so years under my belt, there are a lot of experiences that I’ve had that I think are helpful to share with other young lawyers.
As a visible minority, I have made connections with other visible minorities because we have similar experiences and as a woman, I have been a member of various groups that support, promote and champion women in the law. I can’t really imagine trying to go through this all alone by pushing these various support networks away in an attempt to be less “other”. No (wo)man is an island, right?
Anyway – I hope that we all feel comfortable enough in our own skin that we don’t need to deny some basic part of ourselves in order to get ahead in the world. I’m pretty sure that if you do feel that you have to pretend to be someone you’re not then it’s going to be a really long and lonely road and you may not really enjoy the destination once you get there.
I hope that this becomes a space where people can share information and learn something new about others who are in a similar phase of life and I hope you can all find spaces that provide you with a sense of belonging and help you be the best version of yourself. That’s really the best we can ever hope for, isn’t it?